Dave Jeffery: Author

Below you will find profiles of important characters from the world of Beatrice Beecham. These will build over time but I have started with the book's young heroes.

Beatrice is twelve years old and loves to cook. When she grows up she wants to be a famous chef just like Jamie Oliver. Beatrice is a fan of Jamie’s. What? Oh, sorry! Beatrice has just reminded me that she is Jamie’s number one fan. Yes Beatrice, I’ll let people know that only you understand his true genius!

Anyway, Beatrice has red hair and freckles…I know you’re ‘not bothered’ by this, Beatrice, but people may like to know these things. No, Beatrice I wasn’t going to mention Thomas because this bit is about you. Oh…I just have now haven’t I? Sorry Beatrice. Where are you going? I was just about to tell the readers how intelligent you are…Oh well; she’s just popped out for a minute. She may be back when she calms down!

While we wait let me tell you about Beatrice’s brother. He’s eight years old and his name is Thomas. Erm, excuse me. What is it Thomas? Oh, I see. Apparently it’s not Thomas, it’s Lord Vader from Star Wars. Thomas loves these films so much he sometimes likes to think he is, er, the dark Lord of the Sith. Beatrice finds her brother very odd. What’s that? Lord Vader says that he finds his sister’s lack of faith disturbing. And that he once found a fish eye in one of his cod fingers!

The Newshounds deliver papers to the townsfolk of Dorsal Finn. They befriend Beatrice when she first arrives in the town and help her to solve some of the riddles in the story. The Newshounds are: Patience Userkaf, Lucas walker and Elmo.

Patience knows a lot about names. She can often tell people what their name means and where it came from. Patience’s father owns a travel agency and organises trips to Egypt. The family name, Userkaf, comes from an ancient Egyptian Pharaoh. One moment, please. Yes, Patience? Okay, I’ll tell them. Patience wants everyone to know that she thinks khaki is monumentally dull and wouldn’t wear anything khaki even if it was the last item on the clothes rack.

A puzzle-obsessed wiz-kid, Lucas proves invaluable when helping Beatrice solve the puzzles that will hopefully unlock the sinister secrets at the heart of Dorsal Finn. Lucas’ mother often dyes her hair and talks a lot. Lucas has both these traits. What’s that, Lucas? Oh! Lucas tells me that today his mother’s hair is the colour of ripe fungus. Oh, there's something else. Apparently 'evade dry jiff' is an anagram of David Jeffery. Thanks for that, Lucas. I think!

Elmo is a gentle giant! Elmo's mother is a big fan of Sesame Street and this is where his name comes from! He has a cool and relaxed approach to life, spiced with a dry sense of humour! Elmo! Often this has a calming effect on those around him! Elmo! I can't hear myself think! Elmo also likes old school heavy metal music and plays it a lot! Loudly!

‘Aunt’ Maud Postlethwaite is not only a very good friend but at 77 years of age she also helps Beatrice to view the world differently. What’s that Maud? Sorry – I thought your age was common knowledge, and yes – I do consider myself a gentleman. Maud owns Postlethwaite’s News and Chocolate Emporium and, despite a tendency to be very outspoken, is highly thought of by the community of Dorsal Finn. She constantly challenges authority figures and is a staunch critic of Mayor Codd who she describes as ‘a consummate buffoon in the body of an idiot’.

Gideon Codd – I’m sorry - Mayor Codd has held this prestigious title for over thirty years and has a firm commitment both to the town he duly serves, and the people in it. He also enjoys good food - especially when it's free. Oh, yes – Mayor Codd strongly disputes Maud Postlethwaite’s suggestion that he is a buffoon. Mayor Codd, would you like to comment on the allegation that you are also an idiot? Oh, dear – that isn’t the kind of language I would expect from a government official!

Edna is proprietor of the Dorsal Finn Charity Shoppe and takes a vested interest in community life. Erm – no, Edna, this isn’t a polite way to say that you are a nosey, interfering busy body with nothing better to do. Pardon me? Of course I’ll complete your questionnaire. No – I wouldn’t doubt for a second that it’s completely confidential and for research purposes only. Just one question though, do you really need see my medical records?

As town librarian and local historian, Agnes Clutterbuck is an integral part of the community. She is author of the book: Dorsal Finn: the Past and the Present. Yes Agnes, I know you are very proud of it, even though Mayor Codd considers it to be ‘amateur history at its worst’. Since Agnes’ brother, Tony, customised her hearing aid Agnes tends to receive signals from near and far. Today, for instance, she picked up the space shuttle Atlantis as well as a hip-hop radio station somewhere in the Bronx. No, Agnes, I’m not sure what ‘big up massive’ means either. A reviewer from Kirkus described her as ‘quirky’ but Agnes insists that she’s from Scotland.

Dennis is a local man who lives any place he can bed down for the night. What’s that Dennis? Er – right you are. Dennis wants readers to know that he lives on his own because he is a free spirit and hates convention – it has nothing to do with having a bad temper and fleas. Sorry? Okay, I’ll mention it. Dennis has suggested that if people don’t believe this then he’s happy to settle it by having a fight with them. Oh - Dennis doesn't dispute that he does, on occasion, have fleas.

Owner of Eccleston’s Eaterie and Tea Shoppe, Ernie 'Eccles Cake' Eccleston is renowned for his baking and pistachio ice-cream. This rather colourful gentleman knows a lot of people and has such a busy life, he sometimes gets into a muddle trying to remember who he has – and hasn’t – met before. What’s that, Ernie? No, my father’s name isn’t Tarquin. And no, he hasn’t got feet like a duck.